Euphoria & Melancholy

I suffer from a symptom clinically referred to as hypomania.

That, or I’m currently suffering from the delusion of grandiosity.

I am constantly torn between opposing poles. And by constant, I mean daily slipping in and out of usual worldly consciousness.  I have the uncanny ability to be completely engaged in dreamy reverie and yet function well enough to devise a fully operational business plan.

I have constant short-term obsessions. It ranges from food to books to habits to friends and strangers. It’s my state of mind I have difficulties catching up with.

I feel the need for dejection and find complete and utter beauty in gloom. Sadness, ironically, makes me happy. At the same time, happiness is something I can effortlessly achieve. It’s a cyclical battle between Euphoria and Melancholy.

I use love lightly. I constantly slip in and out of love with people, ideals and material things.

I have, what they say a Renaissance soul (which if you ask me is just equivalent to a restless soul). I have numerous things I want to accomplish and undertake. Be it as simple as learning how to whistle, or climbing the Everest summit to experiencing being a homeless person for a day. I have a lineup of formal and mostly informal jobs I’d like to try. And I’m pretty confident I’d be able to accomplish them before I’m 40 or if not, in this lifetime. 

I am a professional in the training department and people respect my abilities – I also hold the number 1 record in tardiness amongst my colleagues. How I manage to be responsible and irresponsible at the same time continues to baffle me. I’m a little rebel. I wear slippers and flat sandals to a business corporate setting, eat at my no-eating station, use my phone and electronics at a security gadget-free environment and yet manage to produce a high level of performance and exceptional results for the work I do. 

I cannot for the life of me efficiently add and subtract figures manually. Multiplication and divison are almost impossible feats for me.

I’m an old soul.

Yet I’m also just a child.

I am 32 gelato flavors and more.

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